TomKat - when the praying the gay away just doesn't work. Don't worry Tom, when you get to level 10 in the church you get a free* hetero power up.

*free referring to the automatic progression to Lvl 10 upon receipt of the pre-agreed 10 Million dollar ascension fee.

Mormon Blues

Please just give Mitt Romney the Republican Presidential nomination, it will be a humanitarian gift as the functioning public will not be exposed to the torrential verbal diarrhoea that the would be President's spout at their facile debates. 

Bail out blues

It's not all together dissimilar to a scene where a Roman Governor visits a restive province in order to instil some discipline in the local rabble. This is, of course, when the so called Troika visit poor beleaguered Ireland and should the mood overcome them, flog us a little to whip us back into shape. A sad state of affairs to be sure, perhaps if the troika practised the Roman custom of decimation, restricting it to the senior bankers and political class they could actually do us a  great service. Start at the top, St Bertie, though instead of every one in 10, lets go with 6 in 10, we're all for efficiency and austerity these days anyway.

Tom explains how humility and restraint have been his guiding principles.

Michael McIntyre is to funny as Snooki is to Stephen Hawking.